I have discovered a map that will guide you from wherever you are, to where ever you want to be! When I found this map and saw the life of my dreams had been hidden right under my nose, I realized that a treasure is without value unless I can share it with others. I am no different than anybody else. Yet, I have unraveled the mystery and on these pages, unveiled the path to living the life of your dreams, free from fear, anger, guilt and frustration. A life that is free to become in an instant, whatever your heart desires.
I grew up in the typical, all-American, upper middle class family: three kids and a dog. The only thing missing was the white picket fence. But, within my house dwelled pain, fear, sadness, and struggle. As a child who was both sexually and emotionally abused, the answers for me were not simple nor a fairy tale. I found myself trapped in the cycle of escaping one hell, just to find myself in another. I became a mother at age seventeen. Homeless and desperate, I found comfort in abusive relationships. It was what I knew. The harder I tried to dig my way out, the deeper the hole seemed to get.
Eventually I hit the bottom. I, like so many, had an internal guidance system that had been damaged when I was very young. The human DNA is written to search for love and happiness. This is necessary for survival and intrinsic to human nature. Like the monarch butterfly is born with its destination written into its DNA. Its survival depends on its migration over 2,500 miles every year. Without a guide or a map, it just knows the way.
I had been broken before I was strong enough to fly. Imagine the butterfly with a wing that never fully develops. The world had caused my guidance system to malfunction. While most were flying towards love and happiness I had landed in fear and isolation mistaking it for love. I joined many others with broken wings in the heart of the underworlds; where sex, prostitution, abuse, and drugs permeated the air. Although all of the people trapped in the confines of rock bottom shared the same desire for love sketched into their DNA, they had never been shown what it looks like. It became the blind leading the blind, in the dark.
Rock bottom is a place where life exists in the shadows. Lost souls, with broken wings unable to fly, wander looking for love in fame and fortune, pain is accepted as a way of life.
I witnessed rock bottom and it looked much like what the media is glorifying as the destination we are trying to arrive at. I was there in the midst of celebrities. I attended parties in penthouses and mansions. I worked all over the United States; Hawaii, Alaska, Florida, Nevada, California, Oregon, Arizona, Montana and Washington. I was featured in movies, television, magazines and commercials I was even in the National Enquirer alongside Halle Berry. To most, my life may have looked glamorous. In reality, I was surrounded by sleaze, debauchery, hollow, lost and soulless people who emanated hurt and pain. I watched many walk this very fine line.
On one side you give up your soul, which your body needs for survival, the other side is a journey of blind faith, made on foot until you can mend your wing. Often those walking the line would slip and fall, never to be seen again. Swallowed up by the monster labeled “fame and fortune,” resulting in the sacrificing of their soul and the separation from their selfless, true nature towards a life of need, greed and speed.
Fear lead to struggle, which lead me right off the edge. Once at the bottom, I had seen with my own eyes the monster that had eaten many of my friends. I think that was exactly what I had needed all along, to look the monster directly in its eyes and say “I am not scared of you! I know life is good and I intend to prove it to the world!” As I pulled myself out of the darkness and climbed up the mountain of joy, I often looked back and wondered, “why was I able to do it while I am leaving behind so many still lost and lonely?” My curiosity continued to grow leaving me in a constant state of wonder about humans and our capability.
This wonder has led me to the feet of many masters and hundreds of books, searching for answers. Over the last 16 years, I have immersed myself in self-inquiry through the practices of yoga and meditation. About 7 years ago I made the transition from student to teacher. As a teacher I had seen people embarking on the climb up the same mountain I had once scaled, and I was able to assist them on their path.
I have been to the place that most never return whole from and I have brought back a message I must share. These pages hold that message. I woke up one day, looked around, and found myself nestled among those our society looks upon with disapproval. I realized I was no different. I intend to show you a story of triumph over the confines of jail and drugs, pain and fear.
I have transcended from this dark world and discovered a magical formula that allows me to stand in the very same shoes, in the very same location and see a whole different world. This new world is one of beauty and love, compassion and kindness everywhere I look. I have written this book with the prayer that you will witness my journey and watch your world change right in front of your eyes!